I wish I would have had this a few months ago…when I wasn’t willing to walk away from a man. There were all sorts of red flags. I knew he had an unkind tongue. He said things that took my breath away. Not in a good way. Things like “What’s up with the Jews?” (Knowing I am Jewish.) And “I’m not into fat chicks.” (Knowing I had been overweight…and so had he.) His communications via text and phone were erratic at best. But just like Lisa writes here, I (unconsciously) believed I needed something he had to give, and in the process I leap-frogged right over my own boundaries. It now seems terribly obvious, and somehow harshly poetic, that because I wasn’t willing to walk away, he was. And did.
However, I recently did walk away from a different situation. There was no great betrayal. No terrible harm. In fact, there was no real “there there.” I just knew in my bones I was no longer available to and for the possibility being offered. Or as my Divorce Buddy once said, “That was a limited time offer, and sadly, the offer has expired.”
Simple language. Difficult lesson. But I am learning.
Lessons From the End of a Marriage
Brock, a seasoned salesman, was telling me about a car he almost purchased many years ago. He was ready to sign but when the dealer wouldn’t acquiesce to the desired terms, Brock stood up and walked out. He knew that in order to be successful in any negotiation, you have to be willing to walk away.
As he finished his story, I thought about the times in my life when I was willing to walk away:
The first (and second and third) dates with men I was curious about but not invested in.
The job interviews and possibilities when I already had something paying the bills.
A blog submission to an outside site when they had already picked up at least one post.
The books from the library or the free movies on TV that failed to maintain my interest.
In every case, I was more relaxed and curious than anxious…
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